Some seek power, some have power thrust upon them, and some become Prime Ministers.
Personally I cannot get excited about a Prime Minister. After all it is just the “Prime” Minister, an MP that has been selected by wit, wisdom or, more usually, the absence of either.
So what is a “Prime”?
As an adjective it is described as;
1. First in excellence, quality, or value..
2. First in degree or rank; chief.
3. First or early in time, order, or sequence; original.
4. Of the highest U.S. government grade of meat.
5. Mathematics Of, relating to, or being a prime number.
Now I can deal with number 5. Prime numbers are the equivalent of porn to mathematicians
Number 4 is an odd way of grading meat. In the UK we use a much more sensible system of EUROP, which is the way many farmers spell Europe. The exception is in Essex, where its “phwoar”.
Number 3 is far too dull to discuss.
So that leaves us 1 or 2. What a miserable choice. Actually number 2 just doesn’t cover it. A first in History of Art is still as much use as tits on a jelly fish (yes I know that’s not what it means, but the prized prime shit degree still has to be media studies). The word “rank” is appealing, and sadly has fallen in disuse of recent years, and the word “Chief” walks the same line as the word “Pal”, as in you don’t want to use it in the wrong company.
And that leaves number 1. Which is just wrong.
So what about “Prime Minister”?
A few suggestions spring to mind;
1. 1. Person who dedicates themselves to make the UK a better place for everyone, then decides it would be more beneficial to make it better for them, resulting in a form of power crazed insanity.
2. 2. Person who wants to be Prime Minister, achieves this, and goes mad.
3. 3. A madman who sets out to fulfil some elements of (1) and (2) but is actually clinically insane from the start.
So how do these seemingly harsh suggestions fit in with our most recent PM’s?
1) Harold Wilson; Resigned with the early signs of Alzheimer’s, so I am quite happy that this had nothing to do with sociopathic tendencies, though had a list of successors that had some very dubious thought processes.
2) Edward Heath; Not particularly good but not notably mental until the very end when he asked “Who Governs Britain”. At that point everyone knew except him.
3) James Callaghan; Inherited a position that no sane person would have accepted. It didn’t take him long to fail to improve anything at all, entered a period of denial, became a bit delusional and eventually got ousted.
4) Margaret Thatcher; A chemist who became a Barrister, Mother, MP, social climber par excellence, and a power crazed freak of nature. Unpopular with dairy farmers, she then managed to become unpopular with huge swathes of various industries, and then went completely barking mad. That was the first 6 months – you know the rest. Has now got dementia which has tamed her sociopathic tendencies a bit, but definitely not eligible for a gun licence.
5) John Major; Managed seven years and nobody noticed. Power was forced upon him, but with a shy smile he neatly sidestepped it. Well he would have smiled but he was at home after having had a wisdom tooth removed. Not so much mad as vacant possession, his absence of reality allowed lots of other power mad people to do exactly what they wanted whilst John smiled, vacantly, a lot.
6) Tony Blair; juvenile who was mad, he had a guitar and believed he was a musician. Innocent enough attitude but became Prime Minister and tried to get other people to believe he was a Socialist. Then decided that he should become the richest person on earth so changed lots of things to ensure this came true. Definitely a case of number (1), and phenomenally barking at the end – though having Gordon saying “Is it my turn yet?” for years would send anyone mad. Now works in a freak show for mad people, gibbering about his sex life whilst lots of very rich people laugh at him.
7) Gordon Brown; Really, really, really wanted to be Prime minister. Mad, though not sociopathic, Gordon discovered that Tony hadn’t been checking his sums, and was a bit cross as this made him look incompetent. (As opposed to a fool).
8) David Cameron; Definitely a number 3 – a person who sets out to be Prime Minister for the sheer hell of it, and to have fun and make money for himself and his friends. A very new breed of sociopath, David was the only PM of recent years that was certifiable before he even got the job. Sadly there is no humour or irony in this statement.
So if anyone still wants the job, I think there may be an opening in the future, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.
