Damned if we do, Damned if we don't
There will always be trolls. (Oh no, just typing the word usually drags two or three form their under-bridge semis.)
You could write that the world will end in 4 minutes and someone will post "4 Minutes? 4 MINUTES? Like I give a bleep you bleeping lazy scrounging bleep. Get a life or die or something. Bleep"
**For what it's worth, trolls are best dealt with through humour. Thanking them for their wisdom annoys them massively too. Most of all, NEVER, EVER feed them. A shadow of anger, a twinge of resentment or (God forbid) a rant of disgust, will just ensure trolldom stalks you forever more. Making a joke about their lack of smarts, small appendages or billy-no-mates lack of social graces will suffice. If your jokes are particularly good, they have been known to self destruct in a spluttering, choking mess of bile. (You can even play the troll game. 10 points for inducing foul language, 20 points if you make them cry and a full 50 for bile splurting self-destruction. Shall we start a league?)
Anyway, a recent curmudgeon prompted much thought amongst us sickies. Are we damned whatever we do?
If we’re humble, we’re victims
If we’re angry, we’re aggressive
If we’re sarcasticly witty (Broken of Britain, Diary of a Benefit Scrounger) We’re still victims
If we’re actively engaged, we ought to get a job
If we aren’t actively engaged, we’re lazy.
We're Damned by the government if we don't work,
Slam-dunked by our conditions if we do.
If we argue, we’re whingeing
If we accept we’re….. yep you guessed it…… victims!!
If we smile too much, we must be fine
If we cry too much we're attention seeking.
If we're glamorous, we ought to be dowdy
If we're dowdy, we ought to be glamorous.
If we're fat we eat too much
If we're thin we ought to eat more.
If we're too clever, we make enemies,
If we're too deprecating, we might as well be invisible.
Actually, it's just occurred to me we're a bit like Victorian Laydeez, waiting for the benevolent Government-Darcy to notice us and relent.
Whatever happens, never, ever buy a flatscreen telly/pair of designer shoes/holiday to Morocco or bottle of champagne. The howls of "taxpayers money" "Oh, they give those out on the state now do they" and "filthy robbing cow" will spoil your breakfast.
So I say unto you "Rejoice, for a troll doth mean your voice rises against the noise of blah, soaring to prickle and poketh the consciences of men" The more you have, the closer you are to a breakthrough.
Sue Marsh (@suey2y on Twitter)
You could write that the world will end in 4 minutes and someone will post "4 Minutes? 4 MINUTES? Like I give a bleep you bleeping lazy scrounging bleep. Get a life or die or something. Bleep"
**For what it's worth, trolls are best dealt with through humour. Thanking them for their wisdom annoys them massively too. Most of all, NEVER, EVER feed them. A shadow of anger, a twinge of resentment or (God forbid) a rant of disgust, will just ensure trolldom stalks you forever more. Making a joke about their lack of smarts, small appendages or billy-no-mates lack of social graces will suffice. If your jokes are particularly good, they have been known to self destruct in a spluttering, choking mess of bile. (You can even play the troll game. 10 points for inducing foul language, 20 points if you make them cry and a full 50 for bile splurting self-destruction. Shall we start a league?)
Anyway, a recent curmudgeon prompted much thought amongst us sickies. Are we damned whatever we do?
If we’re humble, we’re victims
If we’re angry, we’re aggressive
If we’re sarcasticly witty (Broken of Britain, Diary of a Benefit Scrounger) We’re still victims
If we’re actively engaged, we ought to get a job
If we aren’t actively engaged, we’re lazy.
We're Damned by the government if we don't work,
Slam-dunked by our conditions if we do.
If we argue, we’re whingeing
If we accept we’re….. yep you guessed it…… victims!!
If we smile too much, we must be fine
If we cry too much we're attention seeking.
If we're glamorous, we ought to be dowdy
If we're dowdy, we ought to be glamorous.
If we're fat we eat too much
If we're thin we ought to eat more.
If we're too clever, we make enemies,
If we're too deprecating, we might as well be invisible.
Actually, it's just occurred to me we're a bit like Victorian Laydeez, waiting for the benevolent Government-Darcy to notice us and relent.
Whatever happens, never, ever buy a flatscreen telly/pair of designer shoes/holiday to Morocco or bottle of champagne. The howls of "taxpayers money" "Oh, they give those out on the state now do they" and "filthy robbing cow" will spoil your breakfast.
So I say unto you "Rejoice, for a troll doth mean your voice rises against the noise of blah, soaring to prickle and poketh the consciences of men" The more you have, the closer you are to a breakthrough.
Sue Marsh (@suey2y on Twitter)
Britain is broken in all sorts of ways!!
ReplyDeletehttp://peterreynolds.wordpress.com/2010/12/19/the-most-dangerous-man-in-britain/
Excellent piece of writing as alaways !
ReplyDeleten1
ReplyDeleteyouve got it right
So true and I can testify to it!
ReplyDeleteSue Marsh, now brought off my Maximus, the replacement disability deniers
ReplyDelete